Five Guys and one confused girl

For months I had wanted to visit a Five Guys. It’s an authenic American burger chain with several locations dotted around London, and on Friday night the time finally arrived. A little tipsy from post work drinks in Soho, a group of us descended upon Five Guys on Argyle Street for a hearty burger.

The restaurant is decked out as a retro, classic American burger joint – lots of bright lights and the colour red. As I queued I scratched my head about what I was going to order – obviously it had to be a burger, but which? I settled on the bacon burger, fries and a bottle of Corona.

You could have knocked me down with a feather when the cashier announced the total was £16.25. Over sixteen quid for a burger that you order standing up! I begrudgingly paid and decided that it had better be a bloody good burger.

To its credit, Five Guys assembles all burgers to order, and so after ordering there was a short wait, which I don’t mind. They provide peanuts to nibble while you wait which is a nice touch but not so great for those who are allergic like I am.

Eventually I sit to chow down on this burger and, well, what a let down. The burger was pretty tasty, but it was sloppy and yet also dry. I SO wanted to love it, burgers in general hold a very dear spot in my heart. God I love ’em. Sadly the Five Guys burger didn’t hit the mark.

Ultimately, the burger was borderline gross. The cheese was like plastic. The fries were admittedly pretty good, but not great. The beer was warm. The portion sizes were very generous, but so was the bill.

TL;DR: go to McDonalds.

Star rating: ★★☆☆☆ Five Guys but only two stars.

The Clove Club

What better way to start this brand spanking new restaurant review blog than with an utter gem like the Clove Club?

We visited the Clove Club, based in Shoreditch, London, last Thursday to celebrate a family birthday. Here’s 5 things I didn’t know before the experience:

1. A Michelin star doesn’t necessarily mean stuffy. When I think of fancy restaurants I think of tablecloths, smart uniforms and fussiness. The atmosphere was, for my liking, perfect. The room was beautifully simple with white walls, wooden floors and large tables. The staff wore jeans, white shirts and (for the men) beards. Well, we were in Shoreditch!

2. Nine courses is actually more like 13. The Clove Club offers two tasting menu choices, either five or nine courses and we opted for the latter. We were immediately brought four amuse-bouche courses which were simply delicious. A personal favourite was the Pine Chicken – seasoned and battered chicken thighs served in a basket of pine twigs. A delicious omen for what was to come!

3. Chicken feet are delicious. If you’ve watched the most recent series of MasterChef you’d know a hot culinary trend is chicken skin. The Clove Club did it spectacularly with chicken feet. I can get a little squeamish about this sort of thing (the Tramshed’s whole chicken with feet still attached springs to mind as an unappetising example). Nevertheless, it worked and was jolly tasty, like a more delicate pork scratching. Yum.

4. No need to excuse your fingers! By the time we reached the seventh of nine courses described on our menu, we were remarking quite how much cutlery and dishes the restaurant must get through per night. (I know part of the fun of going out to eat is not worrying about logistics like this, but it’s how my mind works so humour me.) Course seven, “a little buckwheat pancake of crispy pork belly”, was perfectly described. It was a little disk of savoury pancake with a slither of succulent pork belly on top, and no knife and fork. Dive in, gobble it up and lick your fingers clean.

5. Sample 100 year old sherry in course six. This course was divisive within our group – it began with our waiter pouring some sherry from 1908 into a wine glass. This was swirled around to coat the glass, then most was poured out. A warm duck and ginger broth was then served in the wine glass. While novel and a real treat to taste something so special, the broth itself was a little disappointing – it tasted overwhelmingly of salt.

Verdict

A delicious tasting experience with surprises and new experiences abound. Perhaps go for the five course menu if you don’t fancy being sat for four hours but really, why wouldn’t you want to enjoy this exquisite food to its fullest?

Star rating: ★★★★★Seriously excellent dining.